Do you take insurance?

I’m in network with Aetna and United. I also accept private pay.

How long will I need to be in therapy?

I typically meet with clients on a weekly or biweekly basis. The duration of therapy depends on several factors, including consistent attendance, the topics we are working on, and progress toward the goals outlined in the treatment plan.

Do you see kids or couples?

I do not. I primarily work with women, focusing on issues related to anxiety, depression, life transitions, and grief and loss. I specifically love working with women who are interested in incorporating somatic practices, such as Reiki and EMDR, alongside talk therapy.

Where are you located?

Meer Soul Counseling is located in Olde Town Arvada at 5738 Olde Wadsworth Blvd, Arvada, CO 80002 in the Town Square Professional Building.

Do you accept virtual clients?

Yes, I am based in the Denver metro area of Colorado, but I can see clients throughout the state of Colorado. Additionally, I am licensed in Montana, Texas, Wyoming, Idaho, Washington State, Florida and Oregon, so I can work with clients in those states as well. Select Contact Me on my website to inquiry about availability.

How much would a session cost out of pocket?

My rate for a one-hour session is $150 (may be subject to change). I can also provide a superbill that you can submit to your insurance for potential reimbursement.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is an evidence-based therapy approach used to help people process trauma, anxiety, and distressing life experiences. EMDR therapy helps the brain reprocess difficult memories so they feel less overwhelming and no longer trigger the same emotional intensity.

How do I get started?

I typically begin with a virtual 15-minute consultation to discuss what you'd like to work on and to ensure we're a good fit for each other. You can schedule a consultation by filling out the Contact/Request an Appointment form on my website.

What is KAP (Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy)? Is it covered by insurance?

KAP combines prescribed ketamine with psychotherapy to support deeper healing and insight. At Meer Soul Counseling, we partner with medical providers for the medical portion, while we provide the therapy. Insurance generally does not cover the medication, but the therapy portion may be reimbursable depending on your plan.

Who is your ideal client?

I work with millennial women experiencing grief, trauma, anxiety, and major life transitions. My ideal client often feels overwhelmed or disconnected beneath the surface and is seeking deeper, lasting healing through holistic therapy such as EMDR, IFS, and mindfulness.

Why Do I Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable People?

meersoulcounseling
Jul 14
4 min read

Have you ever found yourself wondering why you keep ending up with partners who seem distant, inconsistent, or emotionally closed off? If so, you are far from alone. Many people experience a frustrating pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable partners, leaving them feeling confused and questioning if something is wrong with them. The reality is more complex and rooted in how our brains and nervous systems respond to familiar relationship dynamics.

Understanding why this pattern happens is the first step toward building relationships that feel safe, connected, and emotionally fulfilling. This post will explore what emotional unavailability means, why you might be drawn to these partners, and how to break the cycle.

What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Unavailable?

Emotionally unavailable people often struggle with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. They may care about you but find it difficult to consistently show up in ways that build trust and security. This can leave you feeling like you are always chasing connection or reassurance.

Some common signs of emotional unavailability include:

Difficulty discussing feelings or emotions
Pulling away when the relationship deepens
Sending mixed signals or inconsistent communication
Avoiding conflict or tough conversations
Keeping you at an emotional distance
Making you feel like you have to work harder for their attention

It is important to recognize that emotional unavailability is not always intentional. Many people learned early in life that showing vulnerability was unsafe or that emotions should be hidden. These early experiences shape how they relate to others as adults.

Why Does This Pattern Keep Happening?

Familiarity Feels Like Safety

Our brains are wired to seek out what feels familiar, even if it is not healthy. If you grew up in an environment where love had to be earned or emotions were unpredictable, you might unconsciously gravitate toward similar relationship dynamics. This means your nervous system mistakes familiarity for safety.

For example, if as a child you had to work hard to get attention from caregivers who were emotionally distant, you might find yourself drawn to partners who require you to "try harder" to connect. This pattern can feel painful but oddly comfortable because it matches your early experiences.

You Learned That Love Must Be Earned

Many adults who attract emotionally unavailable partners grew up believing that love was conditional. They learned that affection and approval came only after meeting certain expectations or behaving a certain way. This belief can lead to relationships where you feel you must prove your worth repeatedly.

This mindset can cause you to stay in relationships where your needs are not met because you believe you must earn love through effort or sacrifice. Over time, this can reinforce the cycle of attracting emotionally unavailable people.

How to Break the Cycle and Build Healthier Relationships

Recognize Your Patterns

The first step is to become aware of your relationship patterns. Reflect on your past relationships and notice if there are common traits or behaviors in your partners. Ask yourself:

Do I often feel like I am chasing connection?
Do my partners avoid emotional conversations?
Do I feel anxious or uncertain about their feelings?

Understanding these patterns helps you identify what you want to change.

Heal Your Inner Wounds

Many attraction patterns stem from unmet emotional needs in childhood. Working with a therapist or counselor can help you process these early experiences and heal emotional wounds. Therapy can teach you how to set boundaries, recognize unhealthy dynamics, and build self-worth.

Set Clear Boundaries

Healthy relationships require boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. Learn to communicate your needs clearly and recognize when a partner is unwilling or unable to meet them. Setting boundaries helps you avoid falling into old patterns of chasing unavailable partners.

Practice Self-Compassion

Breaking the cycle takes time and patience. Be kind to yourself as you learn new ways of relating. Remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on someone else's availability or approval.

Seek Partners Who Show Emotional Availability

Look for partners who demonstrate consistent communication, openness to vulnerability, and willingness to engage in emotional intimacy. These qualities create a foundation for secure and fulfilling relationships.

Practical Examples of Changing the Pattern

Example 1: If you notice you often date people who avoid deep conversations, try expressing your feelings early in the relationship. Notice how they respond and whether they are willing to engage. If they pull away, consider whether this relationship meets your needs.
Example 2: If you grew up feeling you had to earn love, practice affirming your worth independently of others. Journaling positive affirmations or engaging in activities that build confidence can help shift this belief.
Example 3: When you feel the urge to "chase" a partner for reassurance, pause and reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself if this behavior is healthy or if it reinforces old patterns. Choose to prioritize your emotional safety instead.

Building relationships with emotionally available partners is possible once you understand why you have been drawn to unavailable ones. By recognizing patterns, healing past wounds, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, you can create connections that feel safe and fulfilling.

Take the time to reflect on your experiences and consider seeking support if needed. Your emotional well-being deserves relationships where you feel seen, heard, and valued.